I Just Buried CJ :'(

My dear friends,

Yes it's a very unfortunate and sad news indeed. CJ just passed away a while ago. I'm not really sure the exact time but it was sometime this morning. If you don't know who CJ is, she's the crippled kitten that I found on the street one rainy afternoon and brought home (and oh, she's a female BTW as opposed to what I thought in my previous post that she's a male; click here if you wanna know how I found her). I just finished burying her in the small yard beside our house, just outside our room :'(

I just couldn't help but cry while I was burying her :'( It's really really sad. I didn't even see when she died. I just saw her lying by the tambis tree when I got home from the groceries. I asked my neighbor if she saw how she died and she just said that she just saw CJ crawling (even quite fast, with no signs of being weak or anything) from our house to the tambis tree across and the next thing she saw, CJ wasn't moving anymore and just lay there...already out of breath :'( I mean I can only imagine her just crawling and perhaps wanting to explore around and maybe fell asleep, not knowing that her life's gonna end right then and there :'(

The truth is I already kind of saw it coming, that she's not gonna live long because she can't poop well because of her crippled hind legs. Lately I've noticed that her bottom was kind of swelling. I felt really bad because I can't afford to send her to the vet, what with all the expenses for my cats' food (and for our food as well of course) and other expenses and necessities and especially with the baby coming (yes, I'm pregnant for 8 months now), so we're kind of saving up our money in preparation for the baby. But I didn't really expect that she would die so soon. How many days has it been since I found her? About 6 days I guess? I thought that she'd still live for about a year or two because even though she can't poop very well she still can poop, only that she can't expel them out altogether and would just drag her poop across the floor when she crawls. (My husband is so sweet BTW to volunteer cleaning her and her nest every morning because it's not good for me, a pregnant woman, to clean a kitty's litter due to possible toxoplasmis infection).

Anyway, CJ's death was really unexpected. I mean, she was still very active this morning before my husband and I went out for breakfast. I was even able to feed her and she didn't show any signs that she's dying. She wasn't weak or anything. She even crawls very fast towards her food. Really really unexpected.

I immediately buried her after I found her. And placed some flowers (which I picked out from our neighbor's garden, sshh!) on top of her bed. I also whispered a little goodbye to her as I laid her on her grave before covering her up. After burying her (and after washing my hands of course), I then went ahead and put away the groceries. As I opened the bag, it was then that I found and remembered the milk that I bought for her :'( I decided this morning to feed her milk so that her poop would be much softer and easier for her to expel out. I guess I was too late :'(

Is there a heaven for cats, dogs and other animals? I wanna believe that there is. Because then I can happily say that CJ is there playing with the other cats...(call me cheesy, I wouldn't care).

Gawd I'm so depressed. I'm gonna go and eat some chocolates. But before I go I just wanna thank everyone who showed their empathy to CJ in my previous post (and possibly in this post). It really means a lot to me and CJ. God bless!!!